Now THAT'S a bargain!

I think that if there is one, shining example of generosity and good will in this world, it would be J-Lo. Now, I've had a few years to do my research on this and, so far, I have not come up with any offer that matches up to her claim that her "love don't cost a thing". I mean, realistically, you're looking to shell out almost $4.99 a pound for ground love, and upwards of $16.75 for an 8 oz. love strip steak. And those prices I got from the meat department at Cub Foods. You'd be spending almost twice as much at Von Hanson's, though theirs is a noticeable difference in texture and the love meat is far leaner. I haven't even considered the likelihood of acquiring love at such steep prices, to be honest. And, though I'm sure there is a waiting list a mile long for J-Lo's cost-effective brand of love, I think I owe it to myself to take a number and hop in line. I believe it was Aristotle who once said "Get your hands off me, you damn, dirty apes!", the apes being a metaphor for those who had apparently given him love at a discounted rate, but ended up demanding monthly payments, insisting that the first 25 leptas was only an initial installment, and that the great philosopher still owed nearly two full drachmas. "Decent action, but still not worth the price" he once confided in his mentor, Plato. So, until a universal love proposal reaches the heart and soul of our government officials, I believe I should take action, get at least a good year's supply of J-Love, as I've heard she calls it, and make a Greek man proud.